Do you like to give and receive gifts?

It is very much energizing to know and feel that somebody thinks, cares and loves us. People use various creative ways to convey this feeling, and giving gifts could be one of those many ways.

With holiday season around eth corner, TV commercials, advertisements in the magazines, and catalogs are full of a single inherent message -“buy if you truly love, and that’s the only way to show your love”.

The Internet is flooded with articles on shopping tips and suggestions. Discussions about gifting are in full swing.

I did this exercise of talking in person or on phone with many of my friends and people at workplace about gifts and have some interesting findings. Instead of reporting them right away, let me ask you some questions about what you think about gifts. If you want to keep your opinions private let me know, otherwise you can post it directly on this blog.

I will report the findings in my next blog.
Here are the questions:

When you GIVE gifts:
1. Do you feel pressure to give?
2. Do you feel obligated to return the gift when someone gives you a gift?
3. Do you shop online for gifts? Always, Often, Sometimes, Never
4. Do you ask people (near ones) what they would like to have as a gift?
5. Do you consider other person’s tastes or do you keep a stock of some common things which you can gift to anybody?
6. Do you give a gift receipt?
7. Do you like to give gift cards or do you think they are very impersonal or lack feelings?
8. Do you give cash gifts?
9. Do you send/give greetings card?
10. What do you think about e-cards?

When you RECEIVE gifts:
1. What is your immediate reaction?
2. What do you do when you don’t like the gift or you have similar stuff?
3. Do you re-gift? Do you think its ok?
4. What type of gifts do you re-gift?
5. Do you donate gifts? Usually to whom/where?
6. Do you like when someone gives you cash? Gift card?
7. Do you like greetings cards? What do you do with them?

Any other thoughts on gifts?

“We are here on this earth for 2 reasons- Fun and Education”- says Richard in his book "Illusions". "Illusions” and “Jonathan Livingston Seagull” by Richard Bach are the books I love very much. I was so thrilled with this thought when I first read it that I started a game of finding either fun or education in every situation. It is very fascinating when I get both.

 7 years ago, I was very upset by the behavior of this small shrub in the atrium when we moved in to our present house. Nothing seemed to work- neither fertilizer, nor regular watering, nor pruning, nor caring, nor touching, nor talking… I would spend some time during the week trying to establish some connection with this quiet plant who, I thought, had forgotten its true nature. It was not dying, and it was not thriving either. It definitely appeared to be a flowering shrub based on where it was planted and the looks of its foliage. The leaves dropped off in about 2 weeks, but its weak trunk still exhibited life, so I didn’t gather courage to uproot it.

3 years went by. I kept waiting. In the meantime I stopped paying attention to it and even forgot. Small leaves appeared proving that it’s alive, and then dropped off after some time.

Though I didn’t realize it, I might have had this subconscious thought that it “should” flower because I was taking good care of it. Though I don’t remember inspecting and challenging my thought process, in retrospect, I feel ashamed of my too egotistical thoughts (though subconscious) related to its flowering and survival.

Who was I to think that I was taking good care of it? Who was I to believe that the factors associated with its flowering were only linked to “my caring”?

After 3 years, one day I noticed that small leaves appeared. This time they didn’t fall off and after 2 weeks buds announced their presence and they bloomed into tiny pink flowers! The plant finally bloomed! It bloomed when I least expected it. It bloomed when I had given up all the hopes and even stopped caring for it.

The plant was just waiting there for all these years. It was waiting for the right blend of climatic conditions and resources, waiting for my ego to wither away, waiting to prove to me that it was not just me, but so many other conditions and factors that contributed to its blooming. It was waiting to teach me the most humble lesson I learnt in my life. Its purpose was not to behave just as a plant but also to educate as a philosopher.

The plant still stands. Not in the atrium, but in the backyard. I am still exploring the ways that might suit it and so replanted it in the backyard. It has taught me in its unique way that though many things are not under my control, something could definitely be influenced by my thoughts and actions.

It had bloomed last summer in the new location and I am eagerly waiting to see what it does this year! If it blooms I will have fun and if it doesn’t, I will have more education.

I was thinking to write about stressors in our daily lives and when I thought of unfulfilled expectations as one of the major stressors, it appeared too big a topic in itself. I finally decided to talk about unfulfilled expectations first before talking about the rest.

Sadness, grief, frustration, helplessness, sleeplessness, depression and other negative emotions have their origin in various causes. Do you think that most of the time unfulfilled expectations from others and self could be the source of these negative emotions? (I am not considering the death of the near ones and illness here. BTW, both the topics could still be unfulfilled expectation of being around or of being healthy)

I think logic is illogical when it comes to the domain of emotions, but when the emotions get too disturbing then maybe it’s a good idea to try to enforce some logic.

Many a times we are frustrated because of someone not behaving or acting the way we want. We start thinking that they are the reason for our frustration and unless they correct themselves our frustration will not go away. We are very convinced that the source of our frustration lie “outside” of us over which we have no or very little control. It’s very easy to blame others, and so we choose to do the same. Whining feels so good sometimes, and then we attract the moaners and groaners around us who reinforce the same thought instead of challenging it.

I am no exception. Very recently I realized and accepted one fact in myself. It was very hard to do so in the beginning, but finally I accepted. The realization was: the more I am dissatisfied with self, the more I expect from others. The dissatisfaction could be due to trivial reasons like my lesson didn’t go that well as planned in school or I made a typo (in spite of spell-check!) in the question paper, or due to the big ones like I am missing my three-monthly deadline to achieve my set goals or the like.

Now during some weak moments when I find myself bothered by unfulfilled expectations from others, I ask myself a question. Is there anything I can do over which I have direct control over? Fortunately I have so many things on my agenda which I am struggling to do right now that wasting time on somebody else’s behavior or expecting something from someone appears very distant.

Don’t you think it’s a good idea to be selfish and focus on what “one can do” instead of focusing and complaining about what “others” are doing or not doing?